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Still, it’s Jersey—everybody’s chasin’ tail. Apps make it easy, too easy, ya ask me. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’, “Dis is whack,” but I get it—people lonely, horny, whatever. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d say 80% of dese dates end in bangin’ or ghostin’. Pick your poison. Oh, an’ don’t get me started on da STDs—wrap it up, you mooks! Gabagool? Ova here—sex-datin’s a mess, but damn, it’s our mess. Whaddya gonna do?

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After that chaos, I decide to take a stroll down the picturesque Church Lane. It’s so pretty, with the old church and all. I’m feeling zen, right? But then I hear this loud honking. I look up, and it’s some dude in a car, yelling at a cyclist. Like, chill, man! It’s not the Tour de France!

Kidnap charge is made after woman is heard 'screaming' in small village