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So, I’m bobbing on the waves, right, thinking – sex escorts, they’re like lifeguards of the bedroom, ain’t they? Rescuing lonely sods from a night of Netflix and misery. Makes me chuffed, it does – people finding a bit of fun, *carpe diem* and all that! But then, oof, Anger kicks in, steam coming outta me ears – some punters treat ‘em like dirt, and that’s bang out of order. Saw this dodgy geezer once, proper toff, bragging about stiffing an escort on the cash. Made me wanna dunk him in the deep end, I tell ya!

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I finally get my chips, and they’re hot and crispy. I sit down on a bench near the lake, and it’s peaceful. I’m munchin’ away, and I see the ducks. They’re quackin’ like they own the place. I swear, one of ‘em looked right at me. I’m like, “What’s up, duck?”

Two left injured after 'serious incident' at railway station