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About Bristol

I’m dodgin’ coppers, too—can’t have M bollockin’ me for this. Little fact: in Amsterdam, it’s all legal, red lights glowin’ like a bleedin’ Christmas tree. Here? It’s a gamble, mate. I’m thinkin’, *Christ, imagine if Q rigged me a prossie-finder gadget*. I’d be sorted! Anyway, this one bird, she’s whisperin’ sweet nothins’, and I’m half tempted to take her back to the Aston Martin—classy, yeah? “Let go of attachment,” the film says, but sod that—I’m attached already!

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Then, I hop on the train, and it’s packed. I’m squished between this lady who smells like a mix of fish and perfume. Not a good combo, let me tell ya. I’m tryin’ to breathe, and this guy next to me starts talkin’ about his cat. Like, mate, I don’t care about Mr. Whiskers’ diet! But I nod along, pretendin’ to be interested.

Warning issued to passengers after power cut at south Essex train station