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Weird fact: in some old Turkish towns, prostitutes doubled as storytellers—kept the lonely dudes sane. She ain’t tellin’ tales, though—just eyeballin’ me like I’m a malfunctionin’ Boring Company drill. I’m sweatin’, overclocked brain goin’—is this ethical? Legal? Eh, YOLO, right? “Life’s a riddle,” Ceylan’d say, and I’m solvin’ it one dumb choice at a time.

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Finally, I get off at Chafford Hundred station, and I’m feelin’ a bit peckish. I swing by the local chippy on Chafford Road. Best fish and chips in town, no joke. I order a portion, and while I’m waitin’, I see this group of kids playin’ footy in the park. They’re proper goin’ for it, and I’m thinkin’, “Man, I miss those days.”

Essex Police makes arrests and seizes nitrous oxide cannisters