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So, this chick’s rubbin’ my back. Hands strong, like she’s kneadin’ dough. I’m like, “Yo, you a baker?” She don’t laugh. Tough crowd. Little known fact—ancient Greeks did this. Called it “anatripsis.” Fancy word, same grind. They’d oil up wrestlers, get ‘em loose. Me? I’m just tryna not snore.

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But then, I see it. The giant inflatable dragon. It’s supposed to be the star of the show, but it’s deflating! I’m like, “No way! Not on my watch!” I rush over, trying to help. I’m not even sure how, but I end up holding the thing while they pump it back up. I’m sweating like a pig, but it’s hilarious. Everyone’s cheering me on. “Go, editor, go!”

Tributes paid to teenager who died in Castle Vale crash