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I saunter over, cool as you like, “Shaken, not stirred, love.” She laughs—proper throaty, makes me grin. “Tenner for a quickie,” she goes. Bargain, innit? But I’m ragin’ inside—ten quid? Inflation’s a bitch! Used to be a fiver in the ‘80s, swear down. Still, I’m chuffed—beats chasin’ Blofeld. We duck into an alley, all dark and damp, like the estate in the movie. “It’s all fucked, innit?” I mutter, quotin’ Mia’s mum. She nods, smirkin’, like she gets it.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes again. It’s my mate, Dave. He’s like, “You won’t believe what just happened!” I’m thinking, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a crisis here!” But I can’t help it. I’m curious. Turns out, he saw a fox chilling in the park by Carshalton Ponds. A fox! In broad daylight! I mean, that’s just classic Carshalton, isn’t it?

Carshalton armed standoff: ‘We prepared to evacuate while my mum had seizures’