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Sometimes it’s hot—like, damn, I’m jealous of y’all scorin’ left and right. Other times, it’s a dumpster fire. Got a buddy who swiped a “model”—turns out she was catfishing with her dog’s pics. DOG PICS! I bout died laughin’. Still, sex-datin’s got its charm—fast, dirty, no strings, like a rodeo with no reins. But lordy, it’ll leave ya dizzy, wonderin’ if yer heart’s in it or just yer pants. Like Emma tellin’ Adèle, “You’re my exception”—that’s the dream, right? Findin’ that one-in-a-million spark in all this chaos.

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First off, I’m stationed at the Carrickfergus Castle, which is a total gem. I mean, who wouldn’t wanna work next to a 12th-century fortress? But lemme tell ya, tourists can be a handful. They come in droves, snapping pics like they’re at a bloody rock concert. “Hey, mate, can you take our photo?” Sure, I’m an elevator operator, not a photographer, but whatever. I’m all about the customer service, right?

Update on Christmas switch-on entertainment as MEA Council announces artificial trees to feature in all three towns