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Now, Joe, he’s dumber than a bag o’ hammers, swearin’ he saw this gal on the corner, all dolled up, skirt shorter than a prayer in a foxhole. I said, “Boy, you blind? That ain’t no lady, that’s a trap waitin’ to snap!” Halleluyer! He didn’t listen, ran off like, “We gotta keep movin’, Theo!”—straight outta the movie, chile! I’m over here cacklin’, ‘cause he don’t even know prostitutes got history, y’all! Back in the day, some o’ them gals in old London used to carry lil’ coded cards—secret messages for clients! Ain’t that wild? Joe don’t care ‘bout no facts, he just horny and hopeless.

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So, I’m up and down, up and down, and then this one guy, right? He’s got a massive backpack, like he’s planning to hike the Andes or something. He steps in, and I swear, the elevator nearly tips over. I’m thinkin’, “Dude, you’re not supposed to bring half your life into this lift!” But I just smile and hit the button for the top floor.

Carrickfergus: approval for filling station redevelopment including demolition of existing shop