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Little fact fer ya – didja know sex-dating goes back ages? Like, Romans had orgy hookups, no apps needed! Blows me mind, that. Nowadays, it’s all digital – ya type “u up?” at 2 a.m., hopin fer a nibble. Makes me laugh, how desperate we get! I reckon it’s like Freddie Mercury struttin – all bravado, but inside ya just want a cuddle. “Sharon!” – she’d say I’m daft fer thinkin that.

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, and he’s like, “Meet me at the pub!” So, I’m off to The Station Hotel. I get there, and it’s packed. I grab a pint, and we start talkin’ about the day. I’m tellin’ him about the seagull, the couple fightin’, and the dog. He’s laughin’ so hard, he nearly spills his drink.

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