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One time, I heard this story—prolly bullshit—but this guy finds a gal online, meets her, and she’s a freakin’ cop! Busts him right there—hahaha, what a loser! “The FBI’s got your number, pal!”—straight outta Scorsese. Surprised me tho—cops got sneaky tricks! Oh, and get this—some dude in Vegas told me they got “pimp schools.” PIMP SCHOOLS! Teachin’ ya how to strut and hustle—wild, right? I’m like, “Hmm… that’s nuts!”

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I order a full Scottish breakfast. I mean, how can ya resist? Haggis, black pudding, the works. I sit down, and as I’m munchin’, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. Turns out, they’re fightin’ over who left the lights on. I’m sittin’ there, tryin’ not to laugh. I mean, c’mon, it’s not that deep!

Carnoustie's famous Dibble Tree a year on from Storm Gerrit