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Ooh, and get this—some dude in Nevada’s legal spots said prostitutes got better health checks than most randos. Surprised me, fr! They ain’t just out there wildin’, they smart about it. Makes me happy, ‘cause I’m all bout queens takin’ care o’ themselves. But then I think—why’s it still shady everywhere else? Pisses me off, ugh. Anyway, Tom in the movie’s all “I’m not a hero,” and I’m screamin’—prostitutes ain’t heroes either, just real as fuck. They’re grindin’, dodgin’ fists, maybe even laughin’ at dumb johns—imagine one goin’, “Yo, your dick’s a sad sequel!”

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So, I’m standing there, feeling all mopey, when I spot this old dude feeding the pigeons. I swear, he had like a hundred of them around him. I thought, “Man, I need that kind of dedication in my life.” But then, outta nowhere, one of the pigeons swoops down and snatches his sandwich! I couldn’t help but laugh. The guy was furious! He started waving his arms like a madman. I mean, it was hilarious.

Special events announced to mark 100 years of Carnforth War Memorial