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Sarcasm time: oh, Escort, you sexy beast—more dents than a golf ball, but I’d marry ya! Seriously, it’s my fave—beats a Prius any day. Quirky thought: wonder if Malick’d make a movie bout it—slow pans of rust, deep voiceover, “What is a car but time?”—I’d watch that! Anyway, Escort’s my buddy—ugly, loud, perfect. That’s what she said! Love ya, ya rusty turd!

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I get to work, finally, and it’s chaos. Machines are acting up, and I’m the only machinist in the shop. Great. I’m running around like a headless chicken, trying to fix this lathe that’s making a noise like a cat in a blender. I’m sweating bullets, and my boss, Mr. Jenkins, is breathing down my neck. “Hurry up, lad!” he barks. I’m like, “Yeah, no pressure or anything.”

Carmarthen man cleared of child sex assault charge