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Findin a prostitute ain’t no picnic, bruv. You gotta dodge the coppers, the creeps, the ones tryin to nick yer wallet. I’m pissed off half the time—last week, this bird quoted me triple! Said she’s “high class.” Bollocks, I says, “Even Yu Shu Lien had humility!” Made me wanna kick somethin, but I kept cool—Bond cool. Happy bit? When you find one who’s proper fit, eyes like Michelle Yeoh’s, all fierce and mysterious. Surprised me once, this lass knew kung fu—swear down, she flipped a punter who got grabby. Respect.

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After that caffeine fiasco, I decided to wander down to the park on Doncaster Road. It’s a nice spot, really. Lots of green, some ducks waddling around like they own the place. I’m just chilling, enjoying the sun, when I hear this loud commotion. Turns out, there’s a bunch of kids playing footy. They’re shouting and running everywhere, and I’m thinking, “Man, I wish I had that energy.”

Off-road bike crashes into woman and five-year-old boy in Yorkshire park