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Once saw this chick, all leather and attitude—Furiosa vibes, swear it! Thought, “Oh, shiny and chrome!” but she quoted me 5k rubles. Five bloody thousand! Got mad, like, “Witness me!” mad—could buy a tank of gas for that in Max’s world! Bargained her down to 2k, felt like a wasteland king. We swears! She smirked, said, “You’re weird, grandpa,”—cheeky lil shit, made me laugh. Happy as a pig in mud, tho.

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Later, I decide to check out the Canvey Island Wildlife Park. I’m all about the animals, right? I’m wandering around, and I see this peacock strutting its stuff. It’s like, “Look at me, I’m fabulous!” I’m cracking up. But then, I see a family with kids, and they’re all screaming because a goat just jumped on a picnic table. Total chaos! Kids crying, parents laughing. Classic Canvey moment.

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