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Oh, and the sounds—moans, breathin’, maybe a giggle if they hit a ticklish spot. Hilarious, right? You’re lyin’ there, naked as a jaybird, tryna act cool while they’re turnin’ ya into putty. Total mindfuck! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but damn, it’s intense. “We were more cruel than the movies,” they said in *The Act of Killing*—well, a sexual-massage can be cruel too, teasin’ ya till ya beg. Love that power trip—both sides of it.

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Then, bam! Outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and nearly takes my sandwich. I’m like, “Oi! Not today, feathered fiend!” I swear, these pigeons in Camden are like ninjas. They’ve got skills. I mean, who knew a bird could be so aggressive?

Camden Town pub rises from the ashes as gaming bar