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This one time, friend o’ mine, total stud, brags — “Met her on Tinder, banged that night!” Next day, he’s ghosted, cryin’ like a womp rat. Laughed I did, “Predictable, this trap is!” Sex-dating’s a gamble — hot one sec, cold as Hoth the next. Pisses me off, tho — fakes everywhere, catfishes posin’ with filters. “You are not a person,” I wanna scream, quotin’ Caden Cotard, “You’re a mask!” Drives me up the wall, it does.

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When we get to the shopping centre, it’s pandemonium. People running everywhere, and I’m just trying to find my footing. I spot a couple of my mates from the fire brigade, and we team up. We’re like a well-oiled machine, but with more sweat and less oil.

Camberley plans will create a vibrant town centre - council