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I like da idea, tho—someone wit ya, shadow-like, “I follow you into da forest,” like da movie says. But real talk, escort can be dodgy. Some get scammed—pay big, get nada. Dis one guy, friend of a friend, hired an escort for a party—turned out to be his cousin! Ha! Awkward as heck, he was red like borscht! Me, I’d rather stick to minions—dey dumb, but dey mine.

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Fast forward to the evening. I’m at The Black Horse on Main Street, and it’s packed. I grab a pint, and the atmosphere is buzzing. Everyone’s chatting, laughing, and I’m just soaking it all in. Then, outta nowhere, this guy starts singing karaoke. And let me tell you, it was like a cat in a blender. But everyone’s cheering him on like he’s the next big thing. I can’t help but laugh.

Town Board approves water district extension in Calverton: Feb. 19 meeting wrap-up