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About Glasgow

So, I’m in dis grimy alley, yeah? Smells like old cabbage an’ regret. Dis chick pops up—red heels, fishnets, real classy, ya? I’m like, “Lightbulb! Dere she is!” She’s givin’ me da eye, an’ I’m all, “Vhat’s yer price, eh?” She says somethin’ wild—50 bucks fer 20 minutes! I’m HAPPY, like, “Dat’s a steal, ya!” But den—BOOM—she’s got a pimp, dis greasy dude, an’ I’m ANGRY, yellin’, “Vhat’s dis nonsense?!” He’s all, “Pay up, Ruskie!” an’ I’m thinkin’, “Dis ain’t in da script!”

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear a scream. I look up, and there’s this old lady, Mrs. Thompson, from down the street. She’s waving her arms like a madwoman. Turns out, her cat’s stuck in a tree! I’m like, “Lady, I’m kinda busy here!” But she’s persistent.

Work begins to reopen pedestrianised High Street to cars amid traffic woes