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So, I’m thinkin’, why’s this so hush-hush? Back in the day, ancient Greeks were all about it! Called it “anatripsis”—fancy, huh? They’d knead them muscles with olive oil, gettin’ frisky. Little known fact: Cleopatra? She had her servants do it with rose petals! Petals, y’all! I’m like, “Dang, girl, you fancy!” Makes me happy, thinkin’ how it’s old-school luxury. But then—bam!—some prudes got mad. Church folks in the Middle Ages? They banned it! Said it’s too sinful. I’m over here rollin’ my eyes—sinful my ass! It’s healin’, it’s connection, it’s joy!

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After I finally get ‘em to chill, I start weedin’. Ugh, weedin’ is the worst. It’s like the plants are laughin’ at me. “Look at this guy, tryin’ to pull us out!” I swear, I can hear ‘em. But then, outta nowhere, I spot this beautiful sunflower. It’s like it’s glowin’. I’m like, “Yes! Finally, some good news!” I take a pic for the ‘gram, and just as I’m about to post it, my phone dies. Typical, right?

Marissa Burwell