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About Newcastle

So, escort, dis car, small, zippy, cheap as borscht! I luv it, makes me happy, ya? Reminds me of Jesse an’ Celine, y’know, “time iz a lie,” cruisin’ free, no fancy schmancy stuff. First ones, boxy, ugly lil’ ducklin’, but tough! Drove ‘em in rally races, mud flyin’, vroom vroom, kickin’ arse! Lightbulb! Did ya know, ‘70s Escort won da Monte Carlo Rally? Lil’ bugger beat dem snooty Porsches, ha, take dat!

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Then, I get a call about a dog on St. James’ Street. Poor pup got into a fight with a squirrel. Like, seriously? A squirrel? I rush over, dodging potholes like I’m in some sort of obstacle course. Burnley’s roads are a nightmare, I swear. I’m pretty sure I saw a pothole big enough to swallow a small car.

Burnley 3-1 Millwall: Burnley miss Championship title on goal difference despite plundering 100 points