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But the fakes? Christ, they piss me off! Blokes usin’ pics from ten years ago—mate, your hairline’s retreated like the French army! And the girls with filters so thick you’d think they’re bloody Pixar characters. Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I see through that crap—sniff it out like a hound. Did ya know some sickos use sex-dating apps to scam cash? True story—bloke in Leeds lost 500 quid to a “hot babe” who vanished. Gutted, I was, readin’ that.

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this kid flying a kite. And I’m like, “Wow, that’s cool.” But then the kite gets stuck in a tree. Classic! The kid starts crying, and I’m torn between laughing and helping. I mean, it’s just a kite, but I get it. I’ve had my fair share of childhood disasters. So, I go over and help him out. We manage to get it down, and he’s all smiles again. That made me feel good, ya know?

Traditional Punch and Judy shows restart on Burnham-On-Sea’s seafront