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Alright, here we go—escort, huh? Man, what a gig. I’m picturing it now, some slick dude in a cheap suit or a chick with heels sharper than my wit, struttin’ around like they own the night. Everybody lies, right? That’s the motto. They’re sellin’ company, sure, but it’s all a big ol’ masquerade. Kinda like in *Talk to Her*—you know, my fave flick—where Benigno’s all “I’m just carin’ for her,” but deep down it’s messed up, selfish love. Escorts? Same vibe. “I’m here for you, babe,” they say, but the wallet’s the real VIP.

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First off, I stroll down East Budleigh Road, and I’m already late. Classic me. I’m dodging dog walkers and old folks with their shopping bags. Seriously, how many bags can one person carry? Anyway, I finally get to my shop on High Street, and guess what? The heating’s broken. Great. Just what I need. It’s like a freezer in there. I’m shivering like a chihuahua in a snowstorm.

Budleigh Salterton could be getting a community gym and swimming pool