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Erotic-massage, huh? It’s all slippery oils, dim lights, some poor sap tryna feel fancy. I saw this flick, *Timbuktu*, 2014—Abderrahmane Sissako, pure genius. Ain’t no massages there, just raw life, dust, and struggle. “The wind blows where it wants,” they say in it—well, this massage crap blows too, just not free like the wind. Costs ya 50 bucks for some creep to knead your back and whisper sweet nothings. Hate it. Hate the candles, hate the “ambiance.” Gimme a woodshop and a steak any day.

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But then, I see this old lady tryin’ to cross the road. She’s takin’ her sweet time, and I’m thinkin’, “C’mon, love, we ain’t got all day!” But then I see her struggle, and I rush over to help. Turns out, she’s got a wicked sense of humor. She says, “I’m not slow, just enjoyin’ the view!”

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