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Ever tried it yerself? Bit o’ naughty, bit o’ nice—sailors been whisperin’ bout it forever. Some dodgy parlors tho, watch out, mate—heard tales o’ blokes gettin’ more than a rub, if ya catch me drift! We shall fight the shady spots, keep it legit! Oh, and fun fact: Victorians banned it, called it “sinful”—prudes, eh? Makes me wanna roar, “To love is to suffer!”—another “Tabu” gem—coz it’s true, that deep press can sting!

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Anyway, I’m feeling all smart and stuff when I bump into this old mate of mine, Dave. We used to hang out back in the day. He’s got this wild beard now, looking like a hipster wizard or something. We decide to grab a pint at The Woolpack. I’m telling him about my latest torcador gig—yeah, that’s my job, twisting metal and all that jazz. He’s like, “You still doing that? Thought you’d be a millionaire by now!” I laugh, but inside I’m like, “If only, mate!”

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