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Exaggeratin’ here, but feels like half these dates end in “oops, I’m married.” Drama! Panickin’ like, R2-D2, where are you? Gotta dodge the creeps. Pro tip: check their pics—too perfect, probs fake. Oh, and sextin’ typos—sent “duck me” once. Mortified! They laughed, tho—saved it.

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Then, outta nowhere, my mate Dave pops in. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s ramblin’ about a ghost he saw on Union Road. I’m like, “Dude, you’ve been hittin’ the bottle again?” But he swears it was real. I mean, who doesn’t love a good ghost story, right?

Scots school put on lockdown & pupils kept in classrooms over fears of weapon on campus