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Oh, an’ the typos, mate—fat fingers, bah! Sex-dating’s quick, sloppy, like me writin’—swxy, dtaing, ugh, who cares! Little secret, tho—some blokes pay for “premium,” thinkin’ they’ll score big. Waste o’ gold, I reckon—Nemo didn’t need cash to find home! Me? I just hiss at ‘em, “fools, precious!”

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Then, I get a text from my sister. She’s like, “Hey, can you pick up some groceries?” Ugh, fine! So, I head to the Tesco on the other side of town. It’s packed, of course. I’m dodging carts like I’m in a video game. And then, I see it. The last pack of chocolate biscuits. I reach for it, and some kid snatches it away! I’m like, “Seriously, kid? You’re gonna make me fight you for biscuits?”

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