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Little fact for ya—did ya know sex-dating sites been around since the 90s? Proper OG shit! Like, before I was even born, blokes were typin’ “u up?” on dial-up. Wild, innit? And get this—there’s this story, yeah, some geezer in Japan met his missus on a sex-dating app, but turns out she was a prozzie! He was fumin’, but then he wifed her anyway. Love’s mad, bruv, like the seasons in me fave flick.

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After that, I’m feeling a bit defeated, but I push on. I head over to the Brough Heritage Centre. It’s small but packed with cool stuff about the town’s history. I’m geeking out over the old photos when I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going on about the best fish and chips in town. I’m like, “Guys, it’s gotta be the Codfather on Station Road!” But they’re too busy bickering to notice me.

Patrick Brough discusses his Cobblers future and the 'devastating' injury that ruined his season