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Oi, listen up, fam! Me name’s Ali G, innit, and I’m here to chat bout somethin proper naughty – sexual-massage, ya get me? I’m buzzin to tell ya what I reckon, ‘cos this shit’s wild. Picture this, yeah – hands slidin everywhere, oil drippin, vibes gettin all steamy like in me fave flick, *Blue Is the Warmest Color*. That film, bruv, it’s got them sensual bits that make ya go, “Wagwan, this is deep!” Like when Adèle’s all lost in them touches – “I wanna feel your hands on me” – that’s the sexual-massage vibe, innit?

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Then, I head over to the Brotton Community Centre. They’re having an open mic night. I’m thinking, “Why not?” I sign up, and my heart’s racing. I’m not even sure what I’m gonna play. I get up there, and the crowd’s buzzing. I start with this new song I wrote about the day-to-day grind. It’s raw, it’s real, and I’m pouring my heart out.

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