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Sarcasm, I got—“Oh, fix my soul with lotion!” they beg. Idiots, some are, hah! Exaggerate, I do—best orgasmic yelp, I caused. Probs 18 typos already, whoops—fast fingers, me. Personal quirk? Humming, I do—old tunes, mid-rub. “A dog barks, love flees”—movie line, fits here. Sexual-massage, not just horny—it’s art, damnit! Angry, I get—cheap parlors, they ruin it. Glowy skin, I leave ‘em—proud, that’s me. Spontaneous, this is—brain buzzing, hands flying. Try it, you must—mediocre, never settle!

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Massage. Relaxation Therapy in Broseley. Woodlands Road, Broseley Wood, Broseley Wood, Broseley, Shropshire, TF12 5PX. 4 · Restore Sports.

Then, outta nowhere, the door swings open. It’s a bunch of kids from the secondary school down on The Avenue. They’re loud, full of energy, and one of ‘em trips over the mat. I’m cracking up, but then they start asking for haircuts. I’m like, “You lot are 15! What do you want? A mullet?” They laugh, and I’m thinking, “Great, now I’m a hairdresser and a comedian.”

One of Shropshire's oldest Baptist chapels uncovers original baptismal pool