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I get mad tho, ‘cos people sleep on it, ya? Dey say, “oh, Escort, basic, bleh,” an’ I’m like, “Nyet! Dis car’s soul, ya?!” My fave, Mk2, sexy curves, ‘75 model, pure class. “One day we’re gonna die,” Jesse says, but Escort? Immortal, mate! I’d shop dis for ya, cheap, reliable, not like dem overpriced Teslas, pfft. Once saw one, rusty as me babushka’s kettle, still runnin’—surprised me big time, ya?

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First customer walks in. It’s old Mr. Jenkins. Bless him, he’s like 80 and still thinks he’s got the hair of a rockstar. He sits down, and I’m like, “What’s it gonna be today, Mr. J?” He goes, “Just a trim, lad.” But you know how it goes. One minute in, and he’s telling me about the good ol’ days when Broseley was all coal mines and no fancy coffee shops. I’m nodding, but inside I’m like, “Dude, I just wanna cut your hair!”

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