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Gets me mad though—people judgin’ it, callin’ it sleazy. Oi, wind yer neck in! It’s therapeutic, yeah? Not all dodgy parlours and nudge-wink nonsense. Some bloke in Sweden—true story—used it to fix his insomnia. Said the masseuse’s hands were like “fallin’ into someone else’s life”—another “Her” gem for ya. Surprised me, that—thought it’d just be a cheeky perk, not a sleep cure!

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First off, I’m a Resnik, which means I deal with all sorts of stuff. But today? Today was a whole different level. I grab my coffee from that little café on Allport Lane. You know the one? The barista always messes up my order. I asked for a flat white, and she gives me a cappuccino. Like, come on! I’m not trying to froth my way through life here.

More than 300 jobs at risk as Cheerios maker plans to shut Merseyside factory