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Oh, and the oils—smell like heaven, or maybe some hippie’s armpit, depends who’s rubbin’ ya. Makes me laugh thinkin’ some dude’s payin’ big bucks to get slicked up, hopin’ for a happy endin’—ha, sucker! Sometimes ya just get blue balls and a $50 bill. Sarcasm aside, it’s a trip—relaxes ya, then revs ya up, total mindfuck. Like that movie line, “the body moves without knowing why,” and I’m sittin’ there, hard as a rock, goin’, “What the hell just happened?”

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After that, I’m feeling a bit salty (pun intended). I decide to hit up Berry Head. The views are insane! You can see all the way to Torquay. I’m standing there, wind in my hair, feeling like a movie star. But then, I see this family trying to take a selfie. They’re all crowded together, and the dad’s like, “Say cheese!” But the kid’s not having it. He’s crying, and I’m just there, laughing. Like, dude, it’s just a pic!

Devon pub to close for major £200,000 nautical makeover