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Gets me ragin’, tho – blokes lyin’ about their height. Mate, I’m 5’6” and proud, don’t need your “6’2” bullshit. Stupid, fat hobbit! Had this one date, girl shows up, smells like cheap perfume, talks over me. Nearly chucked me pint at her, but nah, I’m a gent. Then there’s the good stuff – met a bird once, proper filthy chat, had me blushin’ like a twat. “Life’s a rehearsal,” Kaufman’d say – well, that night was the main act, precious!

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But I take a look anyway. It’s a posh motor, all shiny and new. I’m like, “This ain’t my usual gig, but alright.” Turns out, it’s just a flat tire. I fix it up, and he’s all grateful, offering me a tenner. I’m like, “Nah, mate, just spread the word about us.”

Derelict Brierley Hill site transformed into pleasant community space