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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike durin’ wildfires? People get horny when shit’s burnin’! True story, mate, saw it meself—blokes in Cali swipin’ while evacuatin’. Mad, innit? Makes me happy tho—chaos and nookie, perfect combo. But the fakes piss me off—some twat sent me a dick pic, reckonin’ I’d bite. “Sharon!” I yelled, deletin’ that rubbish quick. Ain’t got time for that bollocks.

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So, I’m feeling a bit defeated, but I keep walking. I end up at the Brierfield Library. I love that place. It’s got this old-school vibe, and the smell of books? Mmm, heaven. I go in, hoping to chill for a bit. But guess what? It’s closed for renovations! I’m like, “Are you kidding me?”

Man who drove on wrong side of road behind wheel of van is jailed