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Last time, I roll up, she’s standin there—leather skirt, smokin a cig. “Witness me!” she yells, like she’s auditionin for Immortan Joe. Made me laugh my ass off—hot AND funny? Jackpot! Paid her double cos I’m a greedy bastard, wanted her all night. She told me this story—some john tried stiffin her, ended up with a wrench in his skull. Tough broad. Had me grinnin ear to ear.

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While I’m waiting, I overhear this convo. Two ladies at the next table are gossiping about the new Tesco on Burnley Road. Apparently, it’s got everything! I’m like, “Really? A Tesco? Groundbreaking!” But then they start talking about the prices. I mean, come on, it’s Tesco, not Harrods!

Man with 'appalling' record of driving offences sentenced