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So, check it—sexual-massage ain’t just some rub-down, nah. It’s hands slidin’ where they shouldn’t, but ya want ‘em to. Me mate Dave, he swears by it—says it’s “therapeeutic,” whatever that means. Got these oils, right, smellin’ all posh, and next thing ya know, ya floatin’. Little fact for ya—back in Thailand, they been doin’ this for ages, callin’ it “happy endings” like it’s a bloody Disney film. Ain’t Disney, tho—more like Lynch directin’ a porno.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hilderthorpe Road. You know the one, right? The one with the dodgy Wi-Fi but the best bacon sarnies. I’m munching away, and suddenly, this seagull swoops down like it’s on a mission. I’m talkin’ full-on dive-bomb mode. It snatches my sarnie right off the table! I’m there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” The barista’s laughin’ his head off. Great start, eh?

Bridlington Fishermen Get Water Samples From Close to Yorkshire Coast Tanker Collision