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Me, I’d be pants at pickin’ one – too awkward, yeah? “Alright darlin’, fancy a brew?” – cringe central! Bet they’ve heard worse, mind. Mate o’ mine swears by ‘em – says it’s like rentin’ a bestie who don’t nick your chips. Cracks me up! Reckon I’d overthink it – is she laughin’ cos I’m funny or cos I’m a tit? Classic Brent, overanalysin’ the fun outta life.

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After the show, I head back to my cart, and guess what? Someone’s tried to steal my sharpener! I’m fumin’! Who does that? I mean, it’s not like I’m sellin’ gold! I shout, “Oi! Get back here!” But the thief’s long gone.

It was Stockport's worst performing primary school, now all that's changed