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About Leeds

Lemme tell ya, I was hoppin’ ‘round Vegas once—yeah, Vegas, baby! Saw this dame, all dolled up, leanin’ on a lamppost like she owned it. Made me laugh, thinkin’ “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!”—‘cept she wasn’t so blameless, heh! She winked at me, and I’m like, whoa, slow down, sister! Ain’t my scene, but I watched her work it—smooth as a toon dodgin’ Elmer Fudd. Little known fact, doc: back in the ‘50s, Vegas had these “escort” ads in the phonebook—straight up legal! Ain’t that a hoot?

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So, I’m feeling a bit miffed, right? I mean, I’m just trying to be nice! I carry on, and then I hit the High Street. It’s buzzing with people. I pop into this little café on Silver Street for a coffee. Best flat white ever, I swear. But then, I spill it all over my new shirt. Ugh! I’m standing there, looking like a total muppet, and the barista’s trying not to laugh. I just roll my eyes. “Great start to the day, eh?”

Town centre building to remain closed indefinitely after flooding