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About Sheffield

I got into it once, right? This chick, she’s rubbin’ me down, and I’m like, “Goddamn, this feels good!” But then—BOOM—my back pops loud as fuck. She jumps, I laugh, she’s all, “You okay, motherfucker?” I’m dyin’, man, it’s hilarious. Little known fact: them ancient Greeks, they was all about sexual-massage. Called it some fancy shit—*anatripsis*. Rubbin’ dudes down after wrestlin’, gettin’ freaky with it. History’s wild, yo.

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I’m tryin’ to clean it up, and this lady walks by, gives me the dirtiest look. Like, lady, it’s just a pie! Chill out! I’m about to lose it, but then I see a kid nearby, and he’s eyein’ my fallen treasure. I’m like, “Hey, mate, you want this?” He lights up like it’s Christmas. I hand it over, and he’s grinning ear to ear. That made me feel a bit better, I guess.

Matchday Information: South Shields FC vs Brackley Town FC