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So, erotic-massage—wot’s the fuss? It’s all handsy, slippery, proper naughty stuff. Not yer nan’s back rub, nah! Think oils, dim lights, some geezer or lass kneadin’ you into a puddle. *Carpe diem*, seize the day, lads! I reckon it’s like *Spring Breakers*—bit of chaos, bit of thrill. “This is the fuckin’ American dream!”—that’s what they’d yell mid-massage, if it went full Korine. Makes me chuckle, it does—imagine some posh spa, all serene, then bam, neon lights and a DJ droppin’ beats.
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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s a message from my mate, Sam. He’s like, “You won’t believe what just happened!” I’m thinking, “Oh great, what now?” Turns out, he’s locked himself outta his flat on Heath Road. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who does that?
Highway improvements to begin on B1131 / Lincoln Road, Bracebridge Heath
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