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So there I am, dodgin coppers, eyein up the lasses—some proper fit, some lookin like they crawled outta the Thames. “This is not a drill!” I’m yellin in me head, all Churchill-like, “We shall never surrender!” Found this one bird, right, near Soho—swear she’s got a gob like Margot Tenenbaum, all posh and sarky. She goes, “Wotcha want, love?” and I’m like, “Ain’t no time for faff, darlin!” She’s chargin 50 quid, and I’m fumin—50 bloody quid?! Robbery, that is! Made me proper angry, but also a bit chuffed—hagglin’s half the fun, yeah?

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So, I head out to check it out. The whole street’s buzzing with people. I mean, it’s not every day you see a van in a lamppost’s embrace. I’m laughing, but then I see the driver. Poor bloke looks like he’s about to cry. I feel for him, but c’mon, how do you mess that up?

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