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I’d be ragin’ happy if I scored one, tho. “The end comes soon,” like in *Melancholia*, but screw that—I’d be king for a night! Maybe she’d be hot, maybe not, but I’d yell, “You’re my planet now, bitch!” Total Cartman move. Still, it’s risky—could get robbed or somethin’. Makes me mad thinkin’ about it! Don’t mess with me, I’m Eric freakin’ Cartman!

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So, I finish up at the stables, and I’m headin’ down to Bowthorpe’s main drag. The shops are buzzin’, people are out and about. I pass by the Co-op, and I’m thinkin’ I should grab some snacks for later. But then I see this kid, right? He’s got a balloon, and it’s floatin’ away. I’m like, “No way, man!” So, I run over, and I’m tryin’ to grab it before it’s gone.

“We’ve picked this day as it’s generally a busy one, both in terms of customers and donations. Footfall is high, so there should be a lovely atmosphere” – far from stealing Christmas, the grumpy Grinch is helping spread festive cheer in Bowthorpe