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Oh, and get this—total shocker: some gals use burner phones with apps! High-tech hookin’, man! I’m thinkin’, “What’s next, Venmo for a quickie?” That’s what she said! Haha, I’m dyin’! But yeah, it’s all chill—she’s cool, I’m cool, we vibe. “I’m lost in your eyes,” I blurt, quotin’ *Blue* again. She laughs, probs thinks I’m nuts. Mission accomplished, bud—found a prostitute, made a memory! How’s that for a Monday night?

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I’m at the Bovingdon High Street lift, and this old bloke, right? He’s got a parrot on his shoulder. A freakin’ parrot! I’m like, “Mate, is that legal?” He just grins and says, “Only if it behaves.” I’m thinkin’, “What if it doesn’t?!” But whatever, I hit the button, and up we go. The parrot starts squawking, and I’m tryin’ not to laugh.

London Lions suffer new year's hangover against Bovingdon