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What shocked me? The prices—fuckin’ steep! 10,000 rubles for an hour? I’d rather buy wine and a goat! But the thrill, mate—dodgin’ the law, feelin’ alive—that’s what gets me goin’. “Life’s a long wait,” they say in the movie, and ain’t that true when yer haggelin’ with a pimp? Once, this burly git tried to rob me—swear I nearly shat meself—but I talked him down, witty as ever. “I’m small, but I bite,” I said, and he laughed, let me go.

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After that, I head over to the lift by the Bovingdon Green. It’s a bit quieter there, thank goodness. But then, this lady comes in, all flustered. She’s got a million shopping bags from the market. I’m talkin’ about the Bovingdon Market, where you can get everything from fresh veggies to dodgy knock-off trainers. She’s like, “Can you help me with these?” I’m like, “Sure, but I’m not a pack mule!”

Inmate who killed himself at Bovingdon prison was isolated for 52 days before his death