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So, check it—prostitutes, man, they got stories. Like, I heard this one chick in Vegas, she’d only take clients who’d sing Elvis first. True story! Freakin’ hilarious, right? “Let’s strike the match!”—like in *Moonrise*, but with sequins and bad karaoke. I’m dyin’ laughin’ thinkin’ bout it. How you doin’ with that mental pic? Prolly screamin’ inside.

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After that, I head over to the lift by the Bovingdon Green. It’s a bit quieter there, thank goodness. But then, this lady comes in, all flustered. She’s got a million shopping bags from the market. I’m talkin’ about the Bovingdon Market, where you can get everything from fresh veggies to dodgy knock-off trainers. She’s like, “Can you help me with these?” I’m like, “Sure, but I’m not a pack mule!”

Bovingdon prison staff given over £180k compensation for injuries at work