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Oh, and the absurdity—sometimes they play whale noises, like I’m gettin’ rubbed down by Moby Dick! Cracks me up! Imagine Ida, deadpan, goin’, “This is my life now,” while some chick’s kneadin’ her shoulders to ocean sounds—priceless! Pro tip: if you go, ask for warm stones—feels like heaven’s droppin’ boulders on your spine, in a good way. Surprised me how dope that was—thought it’d be some hippy nonsense.

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After that, the afternoon drags on. I’m stuck doing tax returns. Yawn. But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Dave. He’s like, “Let’s hit the pub after work!” I’m all in. A pint sounds perfect after this day.

Secret Drinker almost rumbled by landlady at historic pub