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I got into it once, right? This chick, she’s rubbin’ me down, and I’m like, “Goddamn, this feels good!” But then—BOOM—my back pops loud as fuck. She jumps, I laugh, she’s all, “You okay, motherfucker?” I’m dyin’, man, it’s hilarious. Little known fact: them ancient Greeks, they was all about sexual-massage. Called it some fancy shit—*anatripsis*. Rubbin’ dudes down after wrestlin’, gettin’ freaky with it. History’s wild, yo.

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But then, outta nowhere, I get a call. It’s my boss. He’s like, “We need you at the office ASAP.” I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.” So, I leg it down to the High Street. Traffic’s a nightmare, as usual. I’m dodgin’ cars like I’m in some kinda video game.

Luton endure successive relegations following West Brom thumping