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I knew this one prossie, right, called Mandy – proper legend, swear down. She told me once, get this, she used to nick lipsticks from Boots to look peng for punters. Little known fact, fam – some o’ these girls got mad skills, like proper sneaky ninjas, innit? Made me laugh my arse off, but then I was like, shit, that’s grim, ain’t it? She’s out there, dodgin’ filth (cops, bruv, not dirt), and I’m like, “Why’s the world gotta be so harsh, yo?”

Kerb crawlers arrested in red light zone clampdown.

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a Master of the Forest ain’t easy, but today? Today was somethin’ else. So, I’m chillin’ in Bootle, right? Just mindin’ my own business, tryin’ to connect with nature, when BAM! City life hits me like a brick.

Bootle man charged with possession of knife