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Now, listen here, *The Bodyguard* ain’t perfect. Script’s flimsier than my first wig, ha! But Whitney as this diva *whore*—shoot, she’s sellin’ it! Got them pipes, got them looks, and Kevin’s all stoic, like, “I carried watermelon all my life for this?” Kinda cracks me up. Fun fact, y’all—didja know Whitney wasn’t even s’posed to star? They wanted some other gal, but she nabbed it, and thank the stars! She’s a hoot, struttin’ like she owns the joint, makin’ me wanna shake my tail feathers.

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But then, just when I thought the day couldn’t get crazier, I saw a dog running towards me. It was a big ol’ Labrador, and it jumped right on me, all muddy and wet. I was like, “Great, now I smell like a wet dog and coffee.” But honestly, I couldn’t help but laugh. The owner came running after it, all panicked. I told him, “No worries, mate! I needed a new scent anyway!”

14-year-old girl missing from Yapton - have you seen her?