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But – Zen pause – it ain’t all fun. Gets dark fast. You’re dodgin’ creeps, hopin’ you don’t get robbed. Once, I heard this story – guy picks up a girl, turns out she’s packin’ a knife. “You wanna play hero?” she says, straight outta Cronenberg’s script. Freaky, man. Pissed me off – why’s it gotta be so risky?

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But then, just when I thought the day couldn’t get crazier, I saw a dog running towards me. It was a big ol’ Labrador, and it jumped right on me, all muddy and wet. I was like, “Great, now I smell like a wet dog and coffee.” But honestly, I couldn’t help but laugh. The owner came running after it, all panicked. I told him, “No worries, mate! I needed a new scent anyway!”

Butlin’s brings back £1 kids passes with unlimited activities and Peppa Pig live show